Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022

69. WORRIES

Billie POV

"Thank you so much!" I yell into the microphone, trying to be louder than the crowd.

I give my usual air-hugs and waves to as many people as possible.

How did I end up here?
How do I deserve all this love from kids who don't even really know me?
How, just how?
I wonder everyday.

I take a few small steps backwards before turning around and making my way off the stage. I see Jordan standing in the distance, all the way in the back.

Making my way over to her, I open my arms widely and wait for her to step in. She does and we share a loving, dense hug. Sometimes you just have to feel someone and leave out the talking. Maybe that helps.

"I love you." I whisper into her neck while I tighten my arms around her small waist.

Jordan stays silent and pulls back, showing me a toothy smile. She lets her hand glide alongside my jaw and pulls my head closer, kissing my lips passionately.

I kiss back and can't help but smile into our smooch.

"Billie, we gotta go." Sully says loudly, making the both of us pull away.

I wrap my arm around her neck and pull her into my side.

We walk to our greenroom where Finneas is already packing up our things, throwing them into a duffle bag.

I chuckle to myself and grab my belongings, putting them into my bag pack as well. After that, I hand it to Sully and he throws it over his back, waiting until we're ready.

I look around the room, satisfied with how clean we left it. Normally our greenrooms look like a fucking bomb had exploded. Not today, though. Probably because most of the time we've spent in here I was sleeping.

We make our way out to the car and head back home. The drive is silent until Jordan starts speaking into my ear, making the small hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"I need to tell you something later."

I silently nod, afraid of what It might be. My eyes shift to the buildings that are passing by next to us.

"Chill, I still love you." She chuckles, making my head turn back to her and my nervousness fade away.

"Thank god." I breathe out while laughing and wiping my forehead.

"Dumbass." Jordan smiles, shaking her head at me.

I'm so happy she's smiling again. Wow.

Jordan POV

I'm gonna talk to Billie once we get home. About me crying in the restroom, the Instagram post from earlier and that she might have to deal with some annoying rumors again.

We arrive at their family home and get out of the car.

"Sully, can you get everything? I'm tired." Billie calls out to her security guard.

He nods and begins unpacking the car like always.

"Billie, we're going to San Fran in a day. So, be ready to say goodbye to everyone." Maggie says before we could enter the house.

"Ugh! Yes." Billie groans, pouting and walking in with me.

We walk to her room and I make myself at home in her bed, laying down and closing my eyes.

"J, don't fall asleep!" I hear my girlfriend call out from the bathroom.

She comes running and jumps onto the bed, startling me.

"Billie!"

"Sorry but did you forget you wanted to tell me something?"

"Oh-"

"Yeah, so what is it?"

She's so cute when she's noisy. And the way she is looking at me right now, ah. I wanna cry. She's sitting on her knees, waiting for me to start.

"Okay so first-"

"First?" Billie cuts me off, raising her eyebrows and leaning forward slightly.

"Yes. Shut up now." I say, sitting up to think better.

"So... when you were sleeping, I saw this post from a fanpage and it was a picture from when we went out to say 'hi' to some fans-"

"And?" She questions, interrupting me once again.

"Billie! If you wanna hear it, stop cutting me off."

"You're right, I'm sorry." She looks down, taking the pity.

"It's fine. So, anyways... you know how you held out your hand for me when we left?"

"Yes?"

I can feel the bad energy in this room rise.

"So basically... someone took a picture of that exact moment and the caption was like 'Billie today at blah blah, waiting for her friend JordLewis'."

"You think they know?" She innocently asks.

"I mean... they're not dumb, right?" I ask, looking at her closely.

"Yeah... you think that will start something?"

"Maybe... I don't know. But I just wanted to let you know because I'm sure you will receive a call from Justin in the next few days."

"Yeah, thanks baby." Billie smiles at me, pulling me onto her lap and into a comforting hug.

"But wait, why were you crying though?" She wonders, looking at me while letting her soft hands rest on my thighs.

Billie POV

"Oh... well, how I said... I just really feel like I am a hard person to love and that I cause too many problems. Before, your life was simple and neat. And now, you know... I just bring too much chaos into your system. That just makes me feel really bad. And also things like that picture, It would've never happened without me." She tells me, letting her head fall while I listens to all of her words.

"But Jordan, you know what else would have never happened without you?" I ask, lifting her head up with both of my hands, removing them from her legs.

She shakes her head.

"My smile would have never returned. My happiness. I would probably still be standing at a window, regretting every single one of my life choices. But that's exactly why our paths crossed, so that you could get me out of that dark state I was in. That's why I love you. And that's also why I am here to eliminate all of our problems-"

"My problems-" She says.

"No Jordan. Our Problems. You remember how I said mine is yours?" I ask, bringing my hand up to stroke her cheek.

She nods.

"You see? That counts for everything. Such as complications."

Jordan stays silent, looking away from me and around my room. A tear escapes her eye and makes it't way down but I stop it, brushing my thumb over it.

"If you leave, then my faith in everything would disappear. And I mean that. So please, Jordan. All you gotta do to make my worries go away, is to share 'your problems' with me so that we can make it through as one. I will be by your side and help you."

Her head turns and her eyes land on mine.

"So stop crying now because life is too short to be sad." I say, making her chuckle.

That's my girl.

♛

heyyy so I updated twice in two days, crazy right? jk. anyways, i'm sorry this is not really good because i was listening to music while writing and also i gotta find the right way to put all the words n shit. you know... english isn't my mother language. also, there's so many crazy things happening in here so i just want the long way there to be good as well. anddddd last thing, we have motherfucking 16.9k... unreal.