Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022

82. TIRED

Billie POV

What do I get from lying to her?
Right. Only more trouble. That's why I decided It's now or never to tell her about what happened with Tyson.

Thinking back, I don't even know If Jordan saw me handing my number out to him... and that makes everything even worse.

Maybe she'll think I was secretly giving him my contact information.

"I- I have not been honest to you, J."

That's what I said and as a reply I only get a shaky breath from my girlfriend.

"I knew it." She whispers, letting quiet sobs take over.

"I planned on telling you a little later but I guess It's now of never."

"Later? Right. Always pushing things further away as they already are." I see Jordan shaking her head while her tears start flowing freely.

"I swear to god I didn't want anything to happen to us or whatever. It's just that I wanted to prove everyone wrong and I guess-"

"What the fuck do you mean 'prove everyone wrong'?"

"Just forget it. The point is that I did something and It went into a direction I didn't see coming... well, kinda but I definitely didn't want any of what happened."

"Now just tell me what the fuck you mean?" She cries.

"Please don't cry, Baby. Everything is going to be just fine." I speak, trying to calm her down, failing.

"Oh shut up, I heard that too many times."

"You're right-"

She cuts me off, crying even harder.

"Speak!"

"You remember back when we got a whole lot of stuff delivered to the house...?"

"...Yes."

"... and the guy at the door that started a convo with me...?"

"... mhm."

"... well... I don't know if you know but that day I gave him my number to chill. With us two of course-"

"What are you getting at, Billie?" Jordan interrupts me again, wanting me to speed up.

"We hung out after a show. To chill and get talking, you know? The basic shit..."

"... 'the basic shit'..." She repeats, mumbling.

"Yes but he kinda sensed everything wrong and..." I stop, not wanting to talk about what happened.

"And?"

"Jordan, he kissed me." I whisper.

Silence.

"J?" I ask, wondering why shenot answering.
"Jordan, you there?"

The phone falls, only giving me the view of the ceiling.
I hear her footsteps making their path away from the phone and In the distance I can hear crying.

. . .

"Why did you even go there?" I hear her broken voice after a minute of pure silence.

"To not be lonely. To get away from my job, from everything."

"Yeah right, Like you couldn't have just called me to 'get away'"

"You know I can't always call you-"

"Yes you can and I told you millions of times. No matter when or under what circumstance, you can always hit me up." She sobs.