Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022

86. OFF GUARD

Jordan POV

Three months have passed. Three months full of stress and physical exhaustion.

Yes, the agency wanted me. I was an exception. They reached out to me and told me about the circumstances.

Their beginner-project was completely booked but since they really enjoyed my photos and what I told them about my life, they let me be the 31st participant.

Though, that exception is why I need to try even harder..

That means: longer shoots, less food and many nights of beating myself up over lack of sleep. I simply need to fight for my spot.

It's hard... definitely harder than I imagined, but I really love it. It's a lot of effort to get to the top - Where I want to be - but that doesn't stop me.

Billie has been a balance throughout this whole period of time. She calms me down by singing to me over the phone and telling me how strong I am.

All of that while she's under as much pressure as me... Maybe even more.

Not once has she been complaining about any of her projects.  God bless her.

Speaking of projects, the When We All Fall Asleep, Where do We go? - World tour is about to end and that means her last show isn't far from today.

So, I planned on flying to London - which is where her last two shows will be - and surprise her.

Maggie already knows about my Intentions and is very happy to see me again. Just like me. I miss everyone so much.

I already packed my bags and booked my flight. Tomorrow night is the day I'm flying and that means I'm gonna have my Baby in my arms in less than 48 hours. I'm gonna cry just thinking about it.

"Jordan, are you sure you can fly that far all by yourself? I could tag along anytime." Pamela worriedly says, stroking my arm.

We are at the hospital and by now, I know all the corridors inside out. It's depressing to not get any new updates about my dad's health status. There hasn't been anything changing for all this time.

"Yes, Pam. I'm gonna be alright it's not that long of a flight." I say, lying.

"How long?"

"Not long-"

"How long?" She repeats, getting impatient. What is it about her capability of sensing when I lie? It's scary.

"7 hours." I state silently.

She sighs, looking from me to my father.

"We're gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too. But..." I begin loudly, making Pamela's eyes shoot up.

"... I'm gonna be back in no time. You're not even gonna notice I'm gone."

We share a chuckle and say goodbye to Carter. I give him a soft peck on the cheek and we leave.

♛

"Alright Ladies and Gentle Men, gate 12 is now open. Please line up behind this counter to board the plane from Los Angeles, California to London, United Kingdom. Thanks for your attention." The lady at the airport intercom speaks, letting us know it's time to say goodbye.

"Have a safe flight, Jordan. Billie is going to be overwhelmed." Pamela says, hugging me tightly.

"I hope so. I'll see you around soon, 'kay?" I smile, grabbing my backpack and swinging it over my shoulder, turning and getting in line.

"I love you!" She calls out after I entered the hallway that leads into the plane.

I kiss the inside of my hand and wave it at her, walking further into the aircraft without turning back.

I get seated at a quiet window seat, looking out over the John F. Kennedy Airport where I met the  girl of my dreams. We have been together for so long now and I can't believe I actually found someone to stick around with. Even through the toughest times... we still remain as one.

"Hello." A teenage Boy from next to me says, sitting down in the middle of our row, another person next to him.

"Hi." I say, simply smiling.

More and more people pour into the plane and once everyone has found their seats, the plane starts rolling down the runway.

I pull out my AirPods and starts shuffling my playlist. Billie has made this one for me so we can listen to the same songs, which I think is very cute of her.

I unlock my phone, seeing a few recent messages. Among five boring texts, I see Billie's name pop up and my heart starts beating faster.

I feel the eyes of my neighbor fixated on me but shrug it off since everyone looks at a stranger's phone once in a while.

Billie asked me to FaceTime but I lied to her and said that I can't because I was on my way to the hospital. She also says that she's is a little sad cause she didn't talk to me today.

As much as I'd love to have a chat with her right now, I can't. The boy next to me just doesn't seem to stop staring.

I shut my phone, leaving Billie on read and glance over at him. He quickly looks away, obviously uncomfortable.

A few minutes pass - minutes in which I still couldn't reply to my girlfriend.

I feel uncomfortable, if I'm being honest.

Every time I turn my phone on, the Teenage Boy's eyes fly onto my screen. The fuck is wrong with him? That's like so disrespectful.

"Hey, uhm... do you mind not looking at everything I do?" I ask, trying hard to sound friendly.

"Wha-" He starts, looking taken away.

"Yeah, I saw that." I smile weakly.

"I- I'm sorry it's just-" He starts, looking embarrassed.
"You're texting Billie Eilish, right?"

• • •

"I-" I say, getting cut off.

"No- I'm sorry. I couldn't stop myself from the moment I saw you but then I thought this was impossible cause you're like rich as hell, what would you do in fucking economy class? But as I saw your wallpaper it all made sense to me." He rambles.
"You have to know... I love Billie, I-"

"Yeah, no. I get it, don't worry... but... do you mind not telling anyone?" I ask, lowering my voice.

"I- mean... yeah, sure." He nods his head.
"So y'all are like..."

"A thing?" I ask again getting scared that I just confirmed my relationship to a fucking fan.

"Yeah... Are you?" He repeats, not even thinking about how uncomfortable he is making me feel.

"Excuse me a second, please." I say, standing up and sqeezing out of the row, making my way to the bathroom.

What the fuck just happened?

♛

this is SO BAD OMG i could've made it cool but i simply can't write any more today. also, i promised u this earlier so here u go. another thing, i didn't even want to make it that way 😭 it just happened, i planned on keeping everything down with the problems.