head over heels

11 ~ i'm having a proper full on gay crisis

[A/N - at last we get into why Evan is the way he is. we love and stan Willow always. (queen you dropped your crown) she clocked Evans shit immediately lmao. also in ref to the chap title, any heartstopper enjoyers here? at the time of uploading this season 3 is a week away 0.0]

Evan moved through the day like he was underwater. His panic had been running at such a high all day that he felt numb. Every time he saw Kei in the halls, he turned around and walked the other way.

He couldn't do this. Not again. Never again.

Willow noticed. She asked all day if he was okay. He wasn't. The words 'i'm fine' became his mantra. Something was very wrong with him. Ever since the morning practice, it felt like he'd been shrouded in shame, hot, sticky claws of it raked his skin at every passing thought.

Every single breath felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

By the time fourth period physics came along, Willow actually looked worried.

"Evan, seriously, was it the practice this morning? Did something happen?"

He shook his head, "I'm fine." His words sounded dry, fake. He wouldn't have believed himself. He knew Willow didn't.

"Evan," she warned, "You don't look okay."

"Fine." he grit out. "Leave it."

"Please talk to me."

It was stupid. He was being stupid. Here he was, having a full blown extended meltdown over a stupid flash of attraction. It didn't have to mean anything, he tried to reason with himself. But he'd told himself that years ago, and here he was, four years later with the same fucking feelings.

It could only mean one thing and he fucking knew it. Denial was a path that only took him so far, and now he stood, standing on the edge of a damned cliff with no way to go but forward.

He couldn't remember a single time in his life when he'd been attracted to a girl, not one and now the tally of boys stood at two.

It was a cold hard punch to the face.

He picked at his thumb nail dully. Willow looked worried. It was then that the bell rang for fifth period. It was chemistry. He froze. He couldn't go. He would feel worse. He didn't think he could take feeling worse than this.

Evan stayed firmly in his seat as the others got up around him.

"Evan," Willow uttered, "Come on, let's go, I'm taking you home, this is getting ridiculous."

Evan grit his teeth. He felt like he was going to cry, but he couldn't. The weight built in his chest, he swallowed, it felt like a steel hand clenching around his throat.

Willow grabbed him by the arm, "We're going."

He didn't have the energy to fight back, so he just stood, letting Willow lead him out like a zombie on a leash.

She pulled out her phone, "I'll text Ethan that you can't make it to practise today okay?"

He said nothing. Willow tapped out a text on her phone, presumably to Ethan. Then she slid her phone away, walking with him down the hallway.

...

Willow drove him to her house, pulling him out of the car and through the door. She made a beeline for her room. This place was familiar. Sage green walls and bed filled with plushies. It had been his safe haven back then, back when his own house had been filled with landmines. Willow's house was safe, and so was she.