Raven: His First Everything

58|Violent Sobs

Raven's POV

I kept my eyes shut as my tears fell.

My mom held my hand with her left while she gripped the steering wheel with her right.

"You did good, Raven. You left the house," she praised. "It's the small things that manner. I'm proud of you, sweat heart."

Her words only caused me to cry harder.

"Just take one step at a time," she said softly.

"It's so hard," I cried, my throat burning from holding back my cries.

Going back there was a mistake.

All the judgmental looks and whispers attacked me all at once.

"Raven, you're going to get through this. Me and your dad are right here with you," she said.

I nodded weakly, so she could stop putting pressure on her and the baby.

I didn't want her to lose it.

Then I would screw up my mom's life too.

However, I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

No matter how much I wanted to believe her, it didn't feel like enough.

I hadn't suffered enough.

You don't deserve me.

A loud sob escaped my lips.

"I just want to be happy," I cried out loud.

I had completely lost it.

She didn't say anything.

Instead, she just held me tighter.

I mean, what could she say?

The car came to a stop and finally opened my eyes to see we were home.

She gave me a weak smile.

"What are you in the mood to eat?" She asked before nudging me. "Come on, you have to eat with your medication."

I stayed quiet and she frowned before we got out of the car.

As we walked to the house, she pulled me into a hug.

"How about I make dad bring home a bucket of ice cream tonight and we binge watch a ton of shitty shows," she smiled, but I didn't smile back.

I couldn't.

I felt anxious.

All I could think about is that video of Cassian and I.

"Do you want us to go together to the store and get the ice cream now?" She smiled, tears in her eyes.

I was certain Ryan had instructed her not to leave me at home alone.

He had taken all the knives and sharp objects from the kitchen and hid them too.