Billie POV
After I "pushed" Jordan away, I kept giving everyone autographs and hugs. They are all so cute, I can't even handle it.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I hear Jordan say and turn around.
"Hey, sorry. Just-" I look around trying to concentrate with all the loud people around.
"Just let me have a moment with them alone, Jordan."
"But I am always with you when you say 'hi' to them, what's your problem?" She looks annoyed and sad at the same time.
"Jordan. Just wait a minute it's not even taking long." I say not too loud because everyone is literally watching us from a few feet away.
"I just don't understand why you're being so pissed the whole day. I try to make you feel better and you only push me away, Billie!" Jordan grabs my arm and turns me to face her.
"Not here, Jordan!"
"I just don't want you here right now, okay?!" I say with my arms flailing aroun, in a louder tone than before. I only wanted everything about us on the news to calm down for a few days but she doesn't even leave me alone for one.
The screams and flashed have not calmed down.
"Okay. If that's what you want, good. I am leaving."
Jordan walks away, into the bus and out of my sight and everyone else's. I sigh and turn back around to everybody and finish talking and taking pictures.
"Billie, are you good?" One girl asks me after I hugged her. She looks concerned. And by the way, a lot of them have been after what they just had to see. That was a horrible mistake. I just made everything worse.
"Yes, love. I'm good, how are you? You're so pretty!" I smile at her, hiding my sadness.
♛
"Bye loves, see you!" I tell my fans and step back to wave at them before joining my family in the bus.
I don't see Jordan and just assume she is in her bunk already.
"I'm tired, I'm gonna go to sleep." I tell my brother and his girlfriend after disappearing into the back of the vehicle.
I slide the curtains of Jordan's bunk back am surprised at what I see. No Jordan.
"Huh?" I mumble to myself and walk further to the back.
Quiet sobs are starting to be heard the closer I get to the bathroom. I knock on the door and wait.
"J?" I whisper, leaning against the wooden door.
The door opens and I fall back slightly, seeing Jordan rush past me and over to her bagpack that Is placed before the bunks, in the aisle.
"Wait." I follow her.
She opens her bag and get's out the charger for her phone, walking back to her bed and sitting into the bunk, completely ignoring me and acting like I am air.
"Hello?" I wave my hand in her face.
"Are you there?"
She looks up at me for the first time, making me see her puffy, red eyes. I flinch a bit and reach out for her cheeks but she pulls away.
"Stop." She quietly says.
"I really don't want to yell tonight." She lays down on the mattress, turning away from me and facing the other side.
"Jordan." I whisper, not leaving her side even though she wants me to.
"Isn't that what you've wanted, Billie?" Jordan mumbles rhetorically, turning around to face me with a mad face. She sits up and stares at me.
"Wha-?" I whisper, getting cut off.
"Oh, Just stop! You know exactly what I am talking about and I didn't even say anything because I wanted you to realize yourself and then eventually it would've gone away, but no. Whatever is going on with you today is pissing me the fuck off." Jordan says with an angry tone, laying back down and pulling the covers over herself fully.
I just stand there.
I don't know what to do now. I definitely want to avoid yelling at each other like last time. That would be very bad. Very very bad.
I sit down at the edge of her bunk and start to play with my rings while figuring out the right words to say.
"I-" I start.
"No. Just stop. I don't want to hear it. It's your job to find way out. It's not my fault." Jordan peacefully tells me.
I sigh and stand up. She is right. I should've told her what was going on right when it started building up inside of me. Right when my stupid manager hit sent. That's where I should've told her. But as always, I thought It was okay to just stay silent. But it's not. Doing something about it before it escalates is not one of my strengths.
"Goodnight Jordan." I walk back out to the living room without a response and sit down at the table.
Claudia looks at me while Finneas is playing around on his little piano.
"Billie?"
No response. Where's my mind?
Her steps get louder as she's approaching. She sits down across from me and lowers her head to look at my face.
"Billie? Talk to me!" Her arm touches mine and Claudia starts shaking me a bit, pulling me out of my overflowing negative and depressing thoughts.
"Hm?" I look her straight in the eyes.
"Are you okay? I am worried about you. Actually I have been for the whole day. You seem in another galaxy."
Finneas stops playing.
"Yeah. Yeah I think I'm good." I smile.
"And how are you really? She tilts her head while Finneas comes closer.
"I-" I stop, gathering my feelings.
"Yes? Go on."
"I messed up."
Jordan POV
"I messed up." Billie said quietly but loud enough for me to hear from the other room. She left the door open.
"And why exactly?" I hear Claudia ask.
"I am-"
I lay awake, looking up at the ceiling of my bunk and listening to their conversation. Actually, you can't really call it that. Billie is barely saying anything.
"I am an absolute asshole. That's what's going on. I am a bad girlfriend, a bad listener, a bad communicater. I am a bad hum-" Billie says silently, her voice monotonous.
"Okay now that's enough of self harming." Finneas interrupts his sister.
Dang, I would've loved to hear more.
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Therefore I am Yours | Billie Eilish - Watty Awards 2022
Fanfiction"Let me kiss you." she says, the paparazzi swamping the doors as the airport staff tries their best to keep them from running down the walls. This book tells the story of a girl who unexpectedly runs into the word wide-known superstar Billie Eilish...
